In fact most of what I have been up to in the past 4-5 months has followed a similar vein.
- Get annoyed at work, stressed and frustrated.
- Run for as long and as far as I can to remove said frustration.
- Complete the tasks I have been set.
- Have missed something off my to do list.
- Get pulled up on not completing something.
- Rinse and repeat.
Most of you probably don't know but those who do know me and what has been going on know I left my previous school to move across the trust to take up a position of Deputy Head of Science (my Nan thought I was becoming a deputy head though - bless).
I was excited to take up the post for several reasons, mostly the extra TLR and also because if felt like any misgivings or worries about suitability to teaching had finally be laid to bed. I was committing to pursuing teaching as a career and off I went.
Now the purpose of this blog is not and has never been to criticize others and I am not going to start now. It is not my way and it is not fair.
However it became apparent after about a term or so that something was not right in the new post world. In fact things were in danger of dropping to a level of bad that they had not been since my NQT year.
Which was not the best situation.
There may have been other factors which were affecting my time as a second in department but the upshot was massive dislike of the job, school and myself coupled with a complete falling apart of my teaching.
Going through the motions is a phrase often attributed to sportspeople or actors who are there in body but never mind, its also a pretty good way of summing up how my teaching was at that point.
This is not to say I did not try, several times, to get myself together and try to be the teacher/person/position that I was being asked to be.
It just wasn't for me, I don't (at least yet) think in the way that they wanted me to or expected me to.
My focus was not on science or teaching or enjoying moving students on but on data, targets, schemes of work and the performance of other people - made harder when my own performance was suffering.
As a result I stepped down from my position and returned 'to the trenches' as a teacher of science.
I have to say it is the best decision I have made in a while.
Instantly I started feeling happier and more secure in what I was doing. The job suddenly become more manageable and I felt like I could do the role better.
Plus I started to scheme and make plans again. Something hard to do when your whole world becomes built around what you have to get done for other people all the time.
As a results, and the reason for sharing this harrowing tale, I have a list of things I need to write up. The blog title refers to the fact I aim over the Christmas holiday to write up and post some of the things which I have shelved since my workload became too much.
I also aim to complete some of the free online courses found here to get back to feeling like a scientist again.
Well that's the aim at least.