Friday, 17 February 2012

On Volume Crime

Right. How to start.

My car got broken into. My car stereo got stolen.

I reported it to the police and got on with my life.  I have been a victim of this type of 'volume crime' before and I was determined not to let it get me down.


Today I had to use my car to drive to my parents.

I found a few more things out. Firstly the criminal had also stolen my prescription sunglasses.

I shall repeat that, perscription sunglasses! Which means they can't even use them without giving them a headache.

What a cretin.

Also as gutted as I am about the loss of my sunglasses - a lovely pair of Jasper Conran ones that look like baby wayfarers I am due a new eye test soon anyway so they probably would have been upgraded before the Summer anyway.


Secondly whoever it was that broke into my car actually tried to steal it. How do I know? Because they tried to break the plastic around my steering wheel. This I believe was their pitiful attempt to get to the electrics in order to hot wire it.

Yet the car is still in my possession.

Now anyone who knows me and my car know we have a bit of a hate hate relationship.

The passenger side window doesn't work. The sunroof leaks. If I have passengers in the car the car squeels in pain. The electrics tick like a clock - not a good sign - and it has already eaten both money for repairs and petrol like a hungry hippo.

Yet now in my head my car stood firm. Some faceless mouth breather broke in and tried to steal it and with a Gallic shrug my car said 'non' and refused to be stolen.

Oh yeah it refused to be stolen.

And because of that I now love my car. I love it's quirks and foibles. I will get it repaired again.

My car.

My hero.

Well until it breaks down again.

And what of the cretinous mouth breathing car radio thief with sunglasses their can't wear without getting headaches?

Well, it reminds me of a scene from the Wire (a brilliant TV show) - this clip

'You do not get to win shitbirds, we do!'

If you are stealing car stereos you have already lost. You just haven't realised it yet.

So enjoy some sunglasses you can't wear. Enjoy a scratched up CD mix tape that was in the CD player. Enjoy whatever you use the money from selling the stereo for.

Because you have lost, you are a looser.

And me, well I aim to be winning .

And I will do it with a smile on my face.

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